Last Week in Town (It's Pretty Weird)

I saw 500 Days of Summer today, and it was pretty magical.

Any movie starring my future wife (zooey deschanel) and a cast member from 3rd Rock from the Sun is going to be right in my wheelhouse. Especially if it liberally references popular bands that people pretend are obscure.

Also it has a guy brokenhearted about a girl, so that's a pretty big draw.

This movie managed to couch something i've been trying to elaborate on in the Magic Blog better than i have been able to couch something i've been trying to elaborate on in the Magic Blog.

There is a sequence of events where female romantic lead opens up to male romantic lead in that super special we're special friends way, and mr. voiceover narrates, "Male romantic lead knew that these were stories that not everyone heard, these were stories that had to be earned."

First of all, I appreciated that they called these exchanges of words "stories" because i like to describe things as stories. But also, i think this may be a more (genuine, no) (appropriate, no)... complete explanation of my constant complaint about "carrying someone else's baggage." The way things happen is that, not only must I be bonded to someone through these packets of emotional hpv, but in order to receive one in the first place, I must work so very hard. I must sacrifice, i must love, i must put up with all manner of nonsense, to phrase it eloquently, I must earn it.

Here again, we draw on another theme that runs throughout my life and the life of the magic blog. My very immature way of not seeing the world for how it really is, but as this sort of fanciful wordfairy land populated by charming, beautiful, and interesting people, with myself as the ruler of this adolescent candyland.

Every once in a while, the real world sneaks up on me like an agile freight train and ambushes the back of my pretending-nodes. (In my brain!) And i take a mental-breath and take reality-stock of the actual-situation.

I am a nineteen year old college student who is moving to a new town to find something that I probably just imagined. I couldn't even tell you what this thing is. If pressed, it would be a girl. A girl like Clementine in Eternal Sunshine; a girl who by her very affections makes the world into something different, something out of a story.

I am studying journalism because i want to be a household name. I want to be iconic. I want to be an archetype.

I want to be a fictional character.

I don't even want to be superman or anything, i want to be famousrichhappyman (I would like flight), and i would settle for just happyman.

This distresses me.

I am distressed because as far as I know, this person has never actually existed. It's just me getting caught up in fiction again.

(Let this be a lesson for you future parents; don't let your kids read)

My friend nelson left the state today. He is going to Colorado for the year. Despite us drifting apart some in college, as i left his filthy apartment this afternoon, i still felt that sting in my psyche and bruise in my gut that comes with separation. I can only imagine how it will be on Friday.

I recently described my current emotional state as "lumpy." And i feel that it is a remarkably accurate way to describe the way i am feeling the things that i am currently feeling.

All these different emotions are just floating in my cut like clay (non-toxic) with no discernable form or shape. And maybe that's pretty much how it as to be until there is some new stimuli to act on it. To mold it like patric swayze in ghost into something i could readily identify, like, sad, lonely, hungry, happy, magical.

This is the problem with summer readers, not enough to say.

Kyle's Sappy Blog (Sappier Than Usual)

It's good to see you internet, it's been a while.

This is my third to last day of work. I've been here for around a year, and now i'm ready to leave.

I head to Austin on the 20th, it's not very far away.

KMB erupted from my mind-placenta a little over a year ago, and things have changed a lot since then.

Back then, I was insecure, mopey, and isolated. I'm still insecure and sometimes I get a little down, but it's not the same. I've figured out how to be happy.

It wasn't even a conscious decision, just something that grew organically out of my socializing and the normal maturation that comes with age (a whole year!).

I used to come home every night and lie in bed and feel smothered by nothingness. Even if i spent the whole evening with friends, having a good time, I would come home and be consumed by all kind of negative emotions, usually worry, often anger, and sometimes just apathy. And ever so slowly, God brought me through that.

This just dawned on me last night, as I was laying in bed. I'm leaving basically everyone I know and love in two weeks, armed only with awkward social skills and the wit of oscar wilde; but as i sat there, waiting for tired eyes, I was perfectly content with this, perfectly confident; everything is alright.

More than anything, this has made me grateful for the people in my life, I'm trying to see as many of them as possible in this short time, and as i'm doing so, i'm seeing the influence they had over me that i never noticed, and I love them all for it. I love you guys.

So here I am, at this weird empasse, that I don't know if i'll ever experience the same way again. This transition, a year late, from everything i've known to everything i don't. It's a new beginning.

And I wonder what the implications of this are for the Magic Blog. The way I see it, the Magic Blog was a story. A story in a couple of layers, the story of me figuring out who and how i want to be for the rest of my life, the story of my first year of college, the story of me working out all of this misplaced sadness and aggression in front of all of you with a few turns of phrase; but most of all it was the story of me trying to tell a story about a boy and a girl.

And i never even got around to sharing it.

A long form of the story exists. I wrote it a week after I graduated high school. It has all the gorey details, beginning to end, every jot and tittle, other cliches for completeness. But, you guys don't need that, and I don't need that.

So here is the story I made this blog to tell.

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl. The boy thought the girl was the most special girl he had ever encountered, so he tried to make her feel the same way. Sadly, the girl couldn't make herself feel the way the boy felt. This made the boy very sad for a long time. But, one day, he realized that maybe it was better to be friends than to be sad; so he stopped. And it didn't matter so much anymore and things were better.

So now the Magic Blog has to find a new identity. The awkward part is that every story I told featured characters that I was familiar with for years, which enabled a certain sort of honesty that I feel i might be incapable of duplicating, especially since I will be writing about new people.

I can't really see myself telling the story of the girl that I like from my film class in the Magic Blog, especially since i'm trying to use it as a seduction tool; she'll think i'm a fourteen year old weirdo.

So much like myself, the Magic Blog has to make this transition blind, hopefully she will survive, she should, she's a fighter.