People I Meet (Attempt #2)

Dear Readers, I apologize for the turn our last adventure took, here I will attempt to complete what I set out to do the other day.

College is a fairly magical place, everywhere you turn there are many statues, which is always a sign of high society. Also there is a fairly high concentration of limestone, which lends an air of academia.

Now I will list my classes and professors and the various characters that inhabit my college world, if you've read a blog by a student in the Fall or Spring you know how it goes.

I start every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 9:00am. My alarm is set to "Blues" which is nice because it's like I'm being awoken by BB King with a recorder.

I shower, drink orange juice, take vitamins, get dressed, drive to North parking, get on the bus, get off the bus, walk to the Mass Comm building, and sit in my chair.

In Mass Comm, I sit at the back between a chunky sorority girl and a dude with long curly hair that wears rolled up jean frequently. I chose that particular seat because on the first day I was pretty petrified about actually looking at anyone so I sat next to the nearest open seat that was beside a girl.

Little did I know that me and the girl (her name is Kelsey, i saw on the roll sheet) would soon become mortal enemies. I don't know why we are enemies, but there is a palpable hatred between us. Perhaps it is because she is chunkier than I thought and she crushed my expectations? Perhaps it is because I was sick earlier in the year and she kept looking at me when I sniffed. Maybe it is because she is clearly dumb as a box of rocks.

Regardless, my distaste for her has caused me to ally myself with long curly haired dude (greg). Greg and I don't actually speak, except for once when we mocked a Celine Dion video we were forced to watch, but those snickers cemented a resolved stance against fat sorority girl.

There are many women in this class and it is easy to distinguish between the serious students of journalism and the girls after an easy degree. The journalism girls are not very attractive, also they email Dr. Dean about people looking at Facebook in class.

It is it really their concern what people do in class? My guess, jealousy of the pretty girls.

The professor for that class is Dr. Dean. He likes to start every day with a joke, but i think the funniest part about him is that his title is Dean Dean, double name = comedy gold. He's a good teacher and bald, plus he presupposes that all students drink, so he isn't an idiot.

My next class is Music Appreciation with Dr. Wilson. (Real name, Dr. Fried). I call him Dr. Wilson because he looks exactly like that character on House. He really loves music, which is charming, but he also loves very boring music. This class has a couple of characters in it that I would like to address.

Super Well Dressed Homosexual Black Man: Scott Schuman would bust a nut over this kid. (That's right ladies, I read the sartorialist). This guy seriously brings his A-game with every outfit. He sports a tie almost everyday, but usually with blazers or a cardigan, occassionally a vest. He rocks some pretty legit Chanel sunglasses as well. I always appreciate the effort he puts into his outfits, I can only assume he feels the same about my cargo shorts and t-shirt espousing my favorite Wes Anderson movie/Texas Tech.

Girl With Short Blond Hair: I appreciate your boldness with the short hair, and your macbook, and your diligent note taking. I spent the entire first week of class trying to determine if I found you attractive, the final verdict was not really. Also you ride a pink bike, which I would probably find endearing if i wanted to date you, as it stands, it just looks like you are trying too hard.

I now go to History. My professor is Dr. Kriedler, and he is the most animated of the bunch. Also he looks like Robert Downey Jr. so I like to pretend that it's him. When he talks about how people struggled during the Great Depression I know that he can identify after his stint in rehab. Also he is a pretty hardcore Southern apologist, which is entertaining. Time to outline some folk from this class.

Ginger Eric Eberhart: Name is self explanatory, we talk every once in a while.

Pretty Girl With A Mole on Her Chin: Your constant talk about your partying on your cell phone before class is irritating, but I gave you a cough drop the other day because I am a gentleman.

Girl with Lots of Tattoos and Stickers on Her Macbook: I think your tattoos and stickers are an attempt to be cooler than you really are. If it's any consolation, I think your music staff tattoo is neat.

That about covers that class, with the exception of Bifocaled Blond that Always Looks Stressed Out and Never Speaks.

My last class of the day is Sociology.

Sociology is terrible.

The professor is foreign and despite her best efforts, fails to interest anyone in GH Mead's theories of child development.

Luckily for us, whenever there is an awkward pause before she answers her own question one man dares to break the awkwardness, with more awkwardness.

His name is Billy Bob, because he looks like Billy Bob from Varsity Blues. He has a hick accent and loves to wear a backwards Tech hat, jorts, and a short sleeve button down. Whatever the topic at hand is, he will interecept it and turn it into some uninteresting and unnecessary confessional from his childhood.

I find him so fascinating that in addition to taking sociology notes I have begun to take them on Billy Bob.

Here is the transcript:

Facts about Billy Bob
-Doesn't have a Facebook
-Likes black hats
-Father liked Westerns
-Still wears a watch
-Finds women, "Very different, but cool"
-Hates Iran
-Didn't play kickball
-Had ADD
-Uses a PC
-Did research group recently, fascinated with protestors
-Member of college republicans
-Slow note-taker
-Expert on computer dvd technology

The only redeeming qualities about this class are that we get open book exams and that we watch movies on wednesday and the cutest girl in the class is in my small group.

Tuesday I get up at 7:00am and work from 8-12 then 5-10, it's a pain. In between work sessions, I have math class. Math is a joke, it's all super easy, I do it online, and I don't have to show up. I do anyway, because I am dedicated. The class is full of shapeshifters, I can't pin down what anyone really looks like.

Thursday is the best day, I get up at 11:30 and have class til 2, then work til 5. It's the best.

That is essentially how my life goes, with little to no deviation. I apologize for this being one of the weaker entries, it belongs with "If I Was a Super Villain," unlike the previous one, which turned out better (more about me). I realize that most people will speed read through this hoping to get the end.

I'm sorry I failed you loyal readers.